I’m constantly at war with myself, trying to find ways to ultimately create a better version of me. In my current state, this means that even the slightest improvement is huge because I’m really, really low. My health isn’t the greatest because of my weight and general lack of communication with my doctor(s), my motivation is next to zero, simply because I’m stressed to death, and my level of enjoyment in things that generally are on my list of positives is basically nothing.
To combat this, I’ve been making a conscious effort to give myself time to enjoy things (playing WoW, crafts, watching things on TV) in between my quest I stated yesterday, which is a massive quality of life overhaul. It’s going well sometimes, and then other times I wake up at noon, disoriented and wondering where the weekend went.
I don’t have a terribly concrete grasp on what will help me, but I know that working into things I once enjoyed is only partially helping. I really need more things to do that are by myself. I don’t get to do any hands-on crafting because I lack space, so that one is pretty much out. But I can still attempt things, in smaller bites, and see what brings a tiny bit of warmth to the spark of joy inside of me.
I want to read, so desperately, but I rarely find that I have the time. When I do have the time, nothing holds my interest. I just stare at the same page, wondering if I even enjoy it anymore. I’d like to try audiobooks for a change of pace, but I find that they’re quite expensive and I’m not 100% sure if Audible is worth the subscription fee. But, as I keep reiterating, something has gotta give in the meantime. Sure it’ll be better when we move because I’ll be able to throw myself 100% in to making a house a home, but until then.. it just feels like everything is a little bit stuck.