Disguised.Me

Mirror, mirror.. tell me who you see? Am I you or me? I can never remember.

It All Falls Down

Sometimes, I can’t help but feel like everything is falling apart. Something good happens and it doesn’t take long before it gets countered by something. You have something you enjoy, something comes along and ruins it. You feel happy about something, something comes along and ruins it. You finally feel productive, and .. you guessed it, something comes along and ruins it.

My life seems to be a non-stop ride of up and down, and the only ‘coasting’ mode I have, seems to be on that down portion. I never seem to maintain the good for any extended period of time.

I’ve been looking forward to a few things over the past few months, and each and everyone of them has had something come along and ruin it. I can’t win. I can’t seem to get any enjoyment without either having it ruined outright, or by some kind of guilt-causing thing taking place so that I can’t even fully enjoy it anymore.

Is it so much to ask for a little bit of good that lasts?

If this keeps up, every blog for 2021 is going to be depressing and bleak. Something’s gotta give.

Time Together, Time Apart

I know that a lot of people are finding it easier to spend time with their partner right now due to COVID, quarantine, stay-at-home orders.. but for me and my husband, who are both continuing to go to work every day.. it’s a lot harder. We’re both irritated because we do have to go to work every day, so we’re out of the house, but we’re not allowed to do anything else (because we’re being responsible and not putting ourselves, our families, and others in danger). Go to work, be around those people, but don’t get to see your friends.

So we get to stay home constantly, with the added bonus of being exposed to the people we work with. Very small pool of interactions means that when we’re home, stuck, we don’t know what to do with each other. Our kid is bored as hell, we’re bored as hell, life is really difficult because of it, and we’re just .. tired.

I’ve been trying to find something we can do, some kind of family night or something, so that we can have something to do and feel that sense of togetherness.. but it’s just not coming. We end up nitpicking and bickering about the stupidest things because we can’t get away from each other, and when we do, it’s to go to our respective jobs and be stressed the fuck out.

There’s no winning. There’s no relief. We’re stuck and it is absolutely debilitating because what can you do? People won’t follow the rules so that we can get this shit taken care of. People are losing their minds in the U.S. every damn day about some thing or another. I swear, the year 2020 should go down in the history books as the year that the human race came down with an extreme case of psychosis, because that’s the only explanation.

Long story short, pretty much every aspect of my life is hurting right now and I don’t have a solution for literally any of it.

Hooray for a ‘new’ year, right?