Disguised.Me

Mirror, mirror.. tell me who you see? Am I you or me? I can never remember.

Wasted Days, Wasted Nights

Today was an absolute waste of a day. Started out with a delayed opening at work due to the ice storm we had, which meant I was working from home for the first couple hours. Once I scraped the ice off my car in the still pouring freezing rain, I got to work and fought with my computer for the next 5 hours.

Truly a fantastic way to spend the day, if you absolutely hate yourself.

After a wasted day at work, in which I’m now surely so far behind that tomorrow will overwhelm me, I came home and ate a small snack while I’m still in my ‘eating’ window of my fasting cycle. I then promptly forgot to eat dinner and now I’m starving only 2.5 hours into my fast and I don’t get to eat until 11am tomorrow. So I’m considering breaking my fast already and basically making it so I can’t eat til dinner tomorrow, just because I’m fucking ravenous right now.

Basically, today was a total waste and I hope that tomorrow is infinitely better.

Eating Is Dangerous

I don’t know if it’s just an upset stomach or if I’m battling a small case of food poisoning, but either way it’s miserable and I’m going to sleep it off if I can.

Stay safe, wear a mask, and keep cackling at the Bernie memes. <3

Stress: A Constant Companion

I feel like, if I didn’t feel stressed, I would constantly have a cloud of ‘something is missing’ hanging over my head. It’s there with me through the good, the bad, and the ugly. It’s more dependable than most friends (and enemies) I’ve made in my life. It plagues my personal life, my professional life, and even the life I live while I’m asleep and dreaming. Yes, I’m even stressed in my dreams.

However, recently.. I need to find a way to relieve the stress, or at least lessen it considerably, or I’m going to crack. I’m constantly making myself sick with worry, whether or not it’s warranted. I’m trying to turn my life around and get things back on track, but then the dark pit of stress and worry opens up inside and I end up taking way more than just 1-2 steps back on my progress. Half the time, it’s like I’m basically starting over.

Gaming isn’t working. Writing isn’t working. I don’t have a moment of peace to myself to watch a TV series, or a movie, or read a book. I’m at a loss.

How do I destress? How do you destress?

Help.

Feeling Like Garbage & Legos

I’m not sure if I’m just generally feeling like crap because of the constant changes in weather, stress, that time of the month, my current shit habits and choices.. or if I’m actually fighting off something seasonal.

I had a day of staying in bed and trying to feel human again (only interrupted a few times by the kid needing help with class) and it just doesn’t seem to be working.

I threw a considerable amount of time into the Lego set that arrived and made it about halfway over the course of two days, but I’m not really able to enjoy it as much as I’d hoped because of how I’m feeling.

My goal is to sleep in tomorrow and make myself feel better by being at least somewhat well-rested. If I can stop being so freaking sore that I wake up every 30 minutes or so in terrible body pain.

My other goal for this weekend (aside from finishing this build!) is to get a gameplan in place for what I’m going to blog and get my planner setup so that I can roll into the rest of January with some kind of idea of what my life is looking like. Well, at least the stuff that I can predict. We’ve seen what 2021 has to offer already.

Change Is Hard

All my life, I’ve generally been the fluffy kid. Then I was the fluffy adult. And then I was just plain fat.

I lost a considerable amount of weight before I became pregnant with my second daughter, which is what even made it possible to get pregnant to begin with (thanks PCOS!).. but the weight came back steadily and full-force after I had her. I’m currently now sitting at my heaviest weight, even factoring in my weight both times I was pregnant.

My joints hurt, my back hurts, my entire fucking life hurts. It’s true and it’s self-created. So it’s time for change. Once again, to get back on the road to feeling better. Less depression, less self-confidence issues, less health issues overall, and a more bountiful life ahead of me.

But I know as well as the next person, change is hard. So I’m going to partner up with my husband and we’re going to barrel headfirst into this lifestyle change.. and hope for the best.

I’m not going to do anything online to hold me accountable, because that’s what causes it to be too much. But on the days I feel good about my progress, or on the days where I’m just plain feeling myself, I’ll let you know.

I just need you all to hope for the best, because I sure as hell will be, too.