One of the things that your parents probably wished on you when you were an annoying little kid, likely went a little like this: “I hope you have a son/daughter that is just. like. you.“
I cannot for the life of me figure out why this is an okay thing to put out into the universe, but it seems that in my little bout of asking around, about 3 out of 5 people had heard the same from a parent/family member when they were growing up. I find that alarming, for numerous reasons.
- Why do you want to give your kid something to look back on, that shows them how much of a negative light you have shining on them?
- Why do you want your kid to suffer as an adult, through needless (and probably self-created to some degree) trials and tribulations?
- Why do you not want to inject some positivity into your life/your kids life, instead of just being like, “Wow, you’re a piece of shit. I hope that your kid is, too!”
- Projecting your childhood trauma onto your child so that it becomes their childhood trauma, is some real fucked up madness.
In short, I hate when I hear people say that to their kids.
I hate when people say that to other people about their kids.
I hate that I heard that as a kid. It stuck with me.
It eats at me.
It makes me wonder if part of the issue I have with my daughter’s attitude is something that is self-created out of my own personal childhood trauma.
It fucking sucks.
So, while I’m struggling immensely with my child and her attitude, her defiance, her quest to find out who she is (which, frankly, is a shit journey to go on sometimes and I’m still on it at 34).. I would never look her in the eye and say, “I hope you have one just like you.”
I hope that IF she decides to have children, she doesn’t end up in a position where she projects her own childhood trauma and my parental shortcomings, onto those children. I want her to decide for herself what she wants. I want the universe to give her what she wants and not some selfish hell that I’ve wished for directly in her face.
My trauma is not her trauma.