Every once in a while, I find myself almost sick with the longing of how some things used to be. Whether it’s my first time experiencing something that I love, or just generally how something used to be before that is vastly different now.

Things used to be so tacky and that was fantastic. We all loved it. Blinkies? Amazing. We had blinkies for literally everything. Dolls/doll makers? Amazing. We had a neverending supply. Community collections? The most amazing! Toy boxes full of graphics made by other site owners that you showed off in a cute collection (or like the Quilting Bee, if you happened to be elite enough to get accepted). It really built a sense of fun and excitement about visiting other little places on the web.

Nowadays, everything is so .. clinical. If you don’t look like a Mayo Clinic website for your personal blog, you’re doing too much. What happened to fun color schemes, nostalgia, personality? Has that all gone to the wayside? Most people would say, “Make your own if you miss it!” but that’s part of the issue. I’d be alone. Nobody else seems to miss those things.

I can never go back to the first time I experienced the Harry Potter series. I can never go back to the first time I entered World of Warcraft. I can never go back to the first time I popped Animal Crossing into my GameCube and lost myself in it for hours, days, weeks.

Nothing holds my interest anymore. Everything feels empty, hollow, commercialized, and non-personal. I don’t know what to do with myself. I don’t know how to entertain myself.

I feel like I have so much, so many things.. but at the same time, I have nothing. Where is the substance to those things that causes me to find so much joy in them? Where is the magic? Sometimes, I sit and just think to myself, trying to find that spark. Trying to regain some of the magic I once had that made me feel so complete.

I’m not chasing any grand dreams or wild aspirations. I’m not making a five year plan that has any degrees or fantastical promotions. I’m not trying to change the world or end global warming (though I would if I was able).

I’m just trying to find the spark in my soul.